


Smaller Moments

by LocalTrashCat



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:20:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23644495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LocalTrashCat/pseuds/LocalTrashCat
Summary: For those, like me, left wanting more when the Day of Story and Song was over.
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Magnus Burnsides/The Director | Lucretia
Comments: 14
Kudos: 26





	1. Zero

They were brilliantly red. The quiet chatter and chuckles that accompanied the group into their new research lab fell quiet as the lights popped on and there, against the glossy white stations they had been working at, were 7 identical cloaks of a deep red. Magnus, who’s desk was farthest from the door, pushed past his compatriots and slid his around his shoulders, the hood covering most of his face as he turned around and gestured for approval. On the other side of the room, a green haired elf was already posing in her robe.

“I. Am. A. God. I am THE god. Merle, forget Pan. You worship Lup now.”

“These are going to make our presentation next week impeccable.” Came a small voice. “Perhaps we could all leave these alone until after the press conference?” But Davenports words fell on deaf ears as the rest of his crew modeled the robes and recently found jackets, button down shirts, and caps all showcasing the bright white letters of IPRE. He smiled. The cloaks would be fine with a little wear.

For the rest of the day the team walked every inch of the ship they would be living in for the next year or so. Powered by this new found light of creation, the Starblaster (named not for its expertise in blasting stars but because the name sounded pretty rad) would be embarking on a mission to find whatever might be out there, past their planar system. Magnus Burnsides, tall and brawny, loads case after case of the kitchen supplies and ingredients Taako requested. Around him the elf twins, Lup and Taako, unload the boxes, organizing and preparing, weaving around each other like practiced dancers. In her room, Lucretia filled her shelves with empty journals, occasionally she would open one and stroke the blank pages. Merle moved furniture around trying to find the best flow, Davenport suspected he was merely avoiding other duties, but allowed him to continue. In the lab, Barry unpacked research tombs, raw materials, and a few tools that looked more like torture devices rather than anything helpful. It was an exhausting day, but the excitement of finally beginning their journey made the work seem less tedious and tiresome.

It was nearing the end of the day when Magnus stopped in Lucretia’s doorway and smiled at her, she was counting boxes and he waited until she was finished to say anything.

“That’s a lot of paper you’ve got there. Do you think you’ll fill all those pages?”

“Probably not, but I’d rather have more to spare than run out of room. Could you imagine?” She turned around. “There we are in the middle of a huge break through, and I’ve used my last bit of ink? We might forget something!” Magnus laughed.

“Well, that’s why I need you. We’re about to make one last pass through with everyone tonight. Double checking lists and all that. I highly doubt Taako packed enough candy.” Indeed there was not enough candy for Magnus’s taste and a small dispute over space for “more important food” broke out until Barry suggested Magnus keep a stash in his bunker. Armed with a new to do list the IPRE team worked through their growing nerves for the next week until the long awaited press conference.


	2. Three

“Taako, if you don’t cut it out right this minute I’m going to kick your ass.”

“I’d like to see you try Barold.”

“That’s not my name, Sandwich!” Barry began charging the elf. Taako laughed wildly, moving backwards and dancing around furniture. Annoyed with their antics, Lucretia tucked her feet underneath her and returned her attention to her book. The boys ran around for a few minutes before Lup stuck her foot out and tripped her brother who frantically grabbed at Barry for support and the two toppled over onto each other.

“If you guys want to make out, you can always just do it. There’s no need for all this shenanigans.” Both men turned red and scrambled to their feet.

“What kind of back stabbing twin are you? You’re on dish duty tonight.” Taako stomped off. “Oh, and Barold," he called over his shoulder. "You tore your bluejeans.” Lup, Lucretia, and Barry all looked down to find a large hole running along the seam of his pants where Taako grabbed his pocket showing off his purple and white polka dotted boxers. Not for the first time he wished he could murder that arrogant elf, he could always bring him back to life if he needed to.

“I always assumed he wore blue jean underpants,” quipped Lucretia once the man in question was out of earshot. Lup burst into laughter and took off running to tell Taako, dodging a confused looking Merle in the hallway.

“Heya, what was all the shouting about?” He asked as he entered the living room.

“Just Taako getting Barry riled up again.”

“He needs to give that man a break. He’s working hard.” Merle sat in a chair across from Lucretia and tried to prop his feet up on the coffee table. It was a few inches too far and he missed.

“You know, I think that’s what he’s doing.” Lucretia dropped her voice and leaned closer to the short man. “Have you noticed that after Taako irritates him, Barry will get something to eat or sleep for a little while.”

“Barry is very singleminded.” Replied the dwarf pensively.

“And that bleeds into obsessive recently.”

“It’s not a bad idea. We should help Taako. Even if he is pestering our good scientist with good cause, sooner or later it will begin to wear on their friendship and cause tension. The StarBlaster is spacious but I don’t want to be walking on eggshells around them if someone gets angry.”

“I think you’re right. I’ll hang out with him and start taking notes on what he’s doing with the light of creation tomorrow to see if I can coax him out for a little bit. Why don’t we start a schedule? I can draw one up. We can have boxes for eating and drinking and leaving that laboratory now and again.”

“I like that idea. But we can’t let him know. We need to keep this pretty secret. Probably don’t tell Magnus either. He’s a bit of a loud mouth.” Lucretia found an empty notebook on the bookshelf and drew up a schedule, it included daily goals of: 2 meals, 3 glasses of water, a trip out of the lab, and sleeping for at least 3 hours at a time.

“Okay, the more we can do the better he will be. I’ll leave this notebook here so we can both access it without being suspicious.” The two friends smiled conspiratorially as Barry, with his new bluejeans on, went into the kitchen and made himself a snack.

“Lucretia, your birthday is in March isn’t it?” Merle asked, repositioning himself on the chair.

“It was, I suppose we don’t have that timeline anymore now do we?”

“None of us have celebrated a birthday since we left home. You write in your books everyday don’t you? Could you calculate approximately when in our timeline we are? It might be good for us all to take a break and have a little fun. I’d love to have a party.”

“A party would be fun!”

“Routines are good for us, we are both staying still but constantly changing. The people, the StarBlaster, and birthdays don’t change, even if the world around us is never the same.”

“You know Merle, I don’t think we give you enough credit. You’re right. I’ll figure out the date. I think Davenports birthday is before mine, so we should back date the parties, just to make it fair you know?” Merle smiled at that.

“You know I’m always down to get some party points!” It didn’t take much to get the team on board with the birthday plan. It was Magnus who’s birthday had been missed, it was planned for the next day. Birthday rules had been decided and were absolute. First, on your birthday you plan the activities of the day. Second, your favorite meal is prepared for you. Lastly, everyone has to say nice things to you all day long, really butter you up, get your confidence way high, and make you feel special. The rules were mostly established by Lup and Magnus, who unfortunately, were also the enforcers.

A lover of the cold, and the most anxious to escape the Starblaster, Magnus wanted to go on a hike. An argument about the afore mentioned rules broke out as some people (Barry, Magnus, and Lup) felt strongly that e v e r y o n e should participate in the birthday boy’s wishes, but other members (Davenport and Lucretia) felt that leaving the ship attended would be reckless and irresponsible. Merle did not participate in the discussion much after a failed attempt of reconciliation using the spell “Zone of Truth”. No one was pleased with him for quite some time. Taako left the discussion immediately after hearing that Magnus wanted to hike, he returned to his room, it wasn’t until later when Capenport had stormed into his room to angrily pace and vent that he learned there had been an argument.

Despite the morning’s rough start, the small group that did go hiking had a good time, returning soaking wet, red faced, and frozen to the bone. Always prepared, Taako, had made a large pot of cider and insisted the returning group change out of their wet clothing and snuggle down with a hot cup. It had been a long several years together, this project had been planned by Davenport long before the others had ever dreamed of leaving their own plane of reality. He had been there from the beginning, several groups worth of potential crew members had worked on this project before it’s launch and Davenport had handpicked every single member.

Leaving their own world behind with just the seven of them had made them closer than any one of them would have imagined. It was no surprise when after everyone’s cider mugs were empty the group had cuddled up in various places in the living room for a collective nap. Magnus, Merle, Lup, and Lucretia were all tangled on the couch, Davenport, Taako, and Barry piled on the loveseat.

The first to wake up was Lup, she carefully extracted herself from the mess of body parts and snoring friends and began working on the birthday boy’s big dinner and cake. She moved slowly so the others wouldn’t wake up, but since elves don’t actually need to sleep, Taako came to help shortly. By the time the others came around, the twins had a huge stack of waffles with butter, platters of bacon and sausage, and mounds of fried potatoes ready to eat.

“I can’t thank you guys enough. Today was great.” Magnus announced after everyone had filled their bellies. “Who’s birthday is next? Creesh? It’s yours isn’t it?” The quiet woman nodded. “Who wants to play a card game?” Merle gathered dishes from around the table.

“I’ll clean up, Taako, you did all the cooking today.”

“No arguments from me, my dude! Have at it,” the elf responded. “I think we should make this card game interesting.”

“We are not playing strip poker, Taako!” Shouted Barry. “Stop suggesting that!”

“Barold, we just really want to see what you have packing underneath that nerdy looking polo,” quipped Lup.

“Anyway!” Interjected Magnus. “I just want to keep tonight going. Who’s in?” Of course the entire team was. Even if the birthday rules hadn’t been binding, today had been really great, not just for Magnus, and ending it was the last thing on anyones mind.


	3. Seven

Lup was in the lab with Barry. After several failed attempts at retrieving the light of creation, the two were trying to program a set of sensors to locate it. They only had a few more weeks before the hunger would descend on this world so time was precious. Thus far, they couldn’t even get a read on the damn orb when it was in the same room as the lasers.

“Knock, knock!” Taako called from the door, “I’ve brought you sandwiches.”

“Thanks, just set them down,” Lup said over her shoulder without looking up from her work. Not used to being ignored by his sister, the elf wandered over to the duo, both working on something that looked vaguely like it would reanimate Frankenstein’s monster.

“How goes it?” Barry responded with a grunt. Taako watched for a few minutes before another, smaller, figure stepped into the room.

“Status report!” Chirped Davenport, a large smile took up most of his face. He was clearly excited and pleased with whatever he was seeing.

“Fuck off Davenport,” shouted Barry, throwing his tools across the lab as he stood, knocking into the work table. Lup scrambled to steady the laser they had been working. “We’re doing the best we can, alright? Back off. We know the time limit, we know, okay? You don’t have to come in everyday with a fucking count down. You think you could make this go any faster? I’m all ears, really, why don’t you take over.” As Barry walks toward him, Davenport makes himself as small as he can.

“I don’t—didn’t, well I—“ he stuttered. Lup crossed to Barry and touched his arm. He pushed her off and slammed his hands down on the work table near them with a frustrated yell. That was enough for Taako, he took a step forward intending to put the human in his place but Lup motioned for him to leave, and take Dav with him.

This behavior wasn’t new to Lup, she’d never seen Barry behave like this, but her grandfather had explosive anger. While she and Taako had fond memories of living with their aunt she had also been taking care of the older elf. Tiptoeing around him and his temper was one Lups earliest memories. She’d broken a tea cup that he was about to use and then cut herself trying to clean it up. Hours later her aunt found the little drops of blood and broken china, but little Lup had hidden herself in the top of a closet to avoid upsetting her grandfather anymore. But she wasn’t 6 anymore and this behavior wasn’t going to fly on this ship.

Fetching a couple chairs, the elf placed one behind her friend and pressed him into it before sitting across from him. He didn’t resist, instead he buried his face in his hands. They sat together for a few minutes before Lup put her hands on his knees, despite the seriousness of the situation, she felt her heart swell at the contact, but this wasn’t the time for that.

“Dude.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Barold.”

“I’m so sorry.” He took her hands in both of hers. She worried he would be able to hear her heart beating twice as fast, or that her face would turn red. She swallowed.

“You don’t owe me an apology.”

“I do, I shoved you and I’m sorry. You,” he paused, looking for the right words. “You are great and amazing and I’m sorry that I got angry.”

“Pal, you’re allowed to feel angry, you’re allowed to be frustrated and pissed off. We’ve been given an impossible task. But this,” she motioned around them, “is fucking bullshit. When you get angry, you need to deal with it." He opened his mouth and she held up her hand to cut him off. “Nope, you’re going to your room, and when you’ve cooled down, you are apologizing to Davenport and Taako, and then I don’t want to see you in this lab for the rest of the week.”

“You can’t do that.”

“I don’t fucking care. You’re acting like a dick, and your irrational behavior nearly ruined the progress we had made. Right now, you’re a threat to this project.” Lup stood and began cleaning up their work space.

“You can’t do this alone, this was my idea.”

“Come back next week with a fresh mind. But I don’t want to see you right now.”

“I said I was sorry! What more do you want?”

“I want my friend back,” Lup practically begged. He stared at her for a few moments and realized that she was protecting herself and her friends from him. She didn’t feel safe with him. As she went back to cleaning, he watched for a few seconds and then he checked out of the ship and went for a walk. Once he was gone the young elf sank down behind a table and dissolved into tears. It wasn’t long before Taako found her and wrapped his arms around her.

“You want me to kill him? I’ll kill him for you babe.” She gave her brother a watery chuckle.

“No, I’ll be okay. It was just a lot.” Lup sniffled.

“Lup, I don’t want you take this the wrong way.” Taako started. “So, remember I’m your beloved and very beautiful brother who loves you.”

“Maybe you should keep it to yourself then,” the girl said without looking at him.

“No, I’m worried you’ll let Barry treat you badly because of your feelings for him.”

“I don’t have feelings for Barry.”

“Oh, fuck you. I’m not stupid. I’m a little disgusted because I had a little crush on him a while back and I hate it when we have the same taste in people. Vincent, Dylan, Greg…”

“Please stop it.”

“There are more, I just can’t remember their names. And now good ole Bluejeans.”

“It isn’t like that.” Lup tried to get away from her brother but he held her back.

“Oh, right, I forgot. You blush at everyone and spend just as much time worrying about how much Davenport is eating... and drinking... and sleeping.”

“Taako stop.”

“Okay, just be careful okay?”

“I will. Now let me go. I need to go break something. And we should probably make sure Davenport doesn’t go back into his shell because of this. Get Mag to take him on a some sort of hike or something.”

“I think we should get Magnus to teach everyone how to punch that dummy of his. We all have some pent up aggression that needs to come out I think.” The twins stood up and Taako hugged his sister for as long as she would let him.

Everyone on the Starblaster walked on eggshells for a few days. Barry had a long talk with Davenport and the two seemed to be mostly back to normal. Lup barely left the lab, and Merle, who’s bedroom shared a wall wit it, complained about all the noise she was making. A few times Taako saw Barry start to go inside but each time he pulled his hand away and stood there looking sad before going to his room for hours. It was during one of these times that Lup yanked the door open and ran right into Barry, knocking his glasses off his nose.

“I broke it,” Lup said quickly, grabbing the man’s wrist and pulling him into the large room. On the far table was a collection of tools, hammers, axes, and scattered around them were small pieces of the light of creation. Appalled, Barry looked around the rest of the room, plates and cups were piled high on several surfaces, and a few pillows and blankets were laying gin the floor, but most notably, the laser they build was hanging by it’s wires, flopped over like a hand with a broken wrist.

“What have you done?” he asked horrified.

“Wait, just watch,” she said, and held two larger pieces of the light of creation up to the sensor and it moved. Slowly, like a morning glory finding the sunlight after a long dark night, the two points rotated until the shot a feeble laser at Lup. It had bad aim, and wasn’t a strong connection, but it was there. She did it. Barry laughed and hugged the elf.

“You’re brilliant. You. Are. Amazing.” He turned to face the laser again, one arm still flung over her shoulder. “You fucking did it.”

“We did.” She gave him a squeeze and then pulled away. It was a biter sweet moment. Had they been any other people, in any other reality, it would be so simple to confess feelings, make declarations of love, and begin a new romantic journey. But she had seen just how much effect each member of this team had on the whole group. There was no way she could be so selfish when there was so much at stake and no end in sight for this adventure.

Besides, he probably didn’t feel the same way.


	4. Eleven

It happened every year. A horrible cycle, something no one should get used to. Lucretia feels it the most, a horrible dread that fills her entire body slowly. It’s been about a decade now and a month or so before the Hunger finds them she can’t sleep. Exhausted all day, forcing herself to watch, write, and talk to the other members of the party, but at night she lies in bed, guilt ridden and terrified. What if the hunger catches them? What if someone doesn’t materialize next time?

Taako noticed first. It was around cycle 7 or 8 when he realized the rest of the team seemed calmer as the date for the hunger to approach arrived, but Lucretia did not. In contrast, it almost seemed as if she were becoming more anxious as time went on. Once the ship escaped and they all reappeared, she seemed normal, and since talking about feelings wasn’t exactly his strong suit, he waited to see if things evened out for her. It did not.

Magnus, Davenport, and Lup were sitting at the table before he served dinner. Merle and Barry were still exploring the forest. The two were an odd team, a scientist and a cleric, but they made a jovial team, with much teasing and carrying on. But the same could be said for the entire group.

“Lup, where is Lucretia?” Taako asked, placing a pepper on his plate. “I’ve made her favorite for dinner. I think whatever this plant taste better than rice!”

“She said she’s not feeling well. I think she’s in her room.” His twin responded before returning to her conversation with Davenport about the rat they found in the holding room. She was clearly not interested in Taako’s worry, but it seemed Magnus was. Motioning with his eyes and head, Taako indicated to the that they should talk in the other room. Or so he thought.

“Taako,” Magnus asked in a comically loud voice. “Would you join me over here for a moment? Just to talk?” Narrowing his eyes, the elf signed heavily and led Magnus to his room. The other members of the party didn’t even look up.

“Real smooth man.” “Yeah, thanks. Is everything okay with Lucretia?” “I don’t really think so. The close it gets to the hunger coming, the more she sits in her room and doesn’t interact with people.”

“I noticed that. She’s.. I think she’s sensitive.”

“She is. Yes, exactly that. YES she is sensitive, which is why I think you should talk to her. Hear me out. You noticed this, and I’m terrible with talking about things and you, you are just so good at listening and caring about others and helping them Magnus, you should talk to her.”

“Don’t be ridiculous man, Davenport needs to be the one to talk to her.”

“That’s so official, no this needs to be a friendly thing. Just get her to talk to you.”

“Are you saying Capenport isn’t friendly? Because I’ll tell you, he’s one of my top 6 friends right now.”

“Listen here pal, Lucretia needs a friend, not an authority figure to find out if she’s okay, Maybe this is all just circumstantial. Maybe she just feels like shit, but maybe she’s upset about something. And I can’t do it, because I’m cursed with sounding irreverent and flippant about stuff. So you, with your bleeding heart, need to go in there and find out what’s wrong with our friend. You got it?” Taako had walked up to Magnus and was staring down at him from the few inches he had on him.

“Fine. Sure but if she falls in love with this face, it will be your fault.” He grins.

“Okay, whatever pal. Go fix ‘Cretia.” Taako turns to leave. “And make her try those damn peppers, I looked all over for that rice substitute and she better appreciate it!” Magnus smiled and made his way to Lucretia’s door to knock softly. A muffled welcome came from inside.

“Hey,” Magnus stuck his head in the door. Lucretia was sitting on the floor by her bed picking at her fingernails. “Lup said you were’t feeling well. Is, uh, you know, everything, good with you?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just a headache, but I didn’t want to be around everyone, bringing down the mood.”

“You won’t bring down my mood. I’ll get you some pain relievers, have you had those? You know that this is the only reason we brought Merle along on this trip. I’ll grab a couple plates and you and I can have dinner together here!” Magnus rocketed out of the room before Lucretia could tell him to stop. Only a few minutes passed before he was back, balancing two overflowing plates, a small bag of pills dangling from his teeth as he kicked the door closed behind him.

“Now, Taako says, he thinks this yellow plant tastes better in the stuffed peppers than the rice did. And he’s very excited about it. I think it's just okay, but it’s your opinion he wants.” He set everything up for a picnic on the floor, and passed Lucretia the pain medication and some water. “Take two of these, or maybe 8 whatever your pain scale is. I usually take 4, but I might just be killing myself slowly, who knows.” He shrugged and stabbed his stuffed pepper.

“Thanks Magnus, this is really sweet of you.” “Merle says, ‘You are what you eat,’ and I eat a lot of dessert so…” The friends ate in silence for a little while. “What do you think about the not rice thing?”

“It’s good, really good. Not as good as rice would be though. I do love that Taako is so experimental, and willing to figure out what we can salvage from these different worlds. But, remember that soup, with that ugly fish? Sometimes I have dreams about it and wake up with a terrible taste in my mouth.”

“That was the worst. You ate the most of it! Why did you finish your bowl?”

“I was worried that Taako’s feelings would be hurt. Everyone else was so mean about it! I didn’t want him to feel bad about it.” Magnus laughed.

“You’re a good friend. Definitely in my top 6 best friends.”

“Magnus, you have got to stop with hat joke. It wasn’t funny the first time and it keeps getting worse!” Lucretia laughed and kicked at her friend with the tip of her toes.

“I just like getting on everyone’s nerves with it. It’s true though. Even if we make it home tomorrow, I won’t know what to do without you all. We’ll have to buy a big house and all live in different wings like royalty.”

“I’d like that.” Lucretia looked away at that.

“Creesh, you know the boys are going to be fine.”

“No, we don’t.” She stood up and walked to her shelf.

“It’s been a decade, that’s 10 times we’ve always survived.”

“But what if something changes? What if one day it just doesn’t work? What if Barry doesn’t come back, or Davenport, or you?” she whirled around, face streaked with tears.

“That’s not going to happen.”

“How do you know!”

“If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results, then it must also be to watch the same thing happen again and again and worrying that something is going to change. But as long as Davenport is here to fly us away from whatever is chasing us, and we are here to retrieve the light of creation as to the best of our ability, then I have to believe that things will play out the same way. I’ll start worrying when something changes, but until then, you’re going to drive yourself sick.” Magnus held out his arms for a hug, she started to cry harder and let herself be held. “We are all going to be okay.”

Magnus scooped her up and sat with her on the bed until she fell asleep before sneaking out. It was late by that time, most of the crew were in their quarters, except Taako who had been sitting outside Lucretia’s door on the hallway floor. Magnus nearly tripped on him.

“Watch it, big guy.” Came a snarky voice from below.

“Geez, what are you doing here?”

“I heard yelling is everything all right?”

“Yeah, we’re fine, she’s fine. Everything is fine.” Magnus took off for his room.

“That’s it? You go in there and have a screaming match and all you have to say is ‘Everything is fine’?” Taako scrambled after him.

“What do you want me to say? She’s extremely worried that the next time,” Magnus scratched the back of his neck. “Next time someone won’t make it back.”

“You’re worried too.”

“Aren’t you? I mean, I trust that we always will, as long as we make it out of this plane we will all appear on the ship once more. But there is always a chance something will happen. So we have to make sure, nothing happens to the ship.” Taako nodded. “I think I’m going to talk to Davenport about learning how to fly the ship.”

“My dude, he’s never going to go for that.”

“I think we all need to learn. Whether we like it or not, we’ve been lucky. What if Davenport hadn’t been able to fly us out of that first plane? We would have been eaten by that hungry blob. If something happens to him on an expedition then we are stuck in the lake without a boat.”

“You think Lucretia’s right to be worried?”

“I guess, yeah, to an extent. We don’t have a reason to believe we won’t regenerate once we get out of this plane, so we need to make sure we all know how to get us there. Only one of us has to make it out.”

“True, and keeping Capenport tied to the cockpit wouldn’t be good for his sanity. Let’s pitch this to the team as soon as the boys get back.” The Elf turned to head to his own room.

“Hey, Taako?”

“Yeah?”

“Creesh and I like rice better than that yellow crap.”

“You have absolutely no fucking taste.”


	5. Twenty

Merle was attempting yoga in the common space. Again. Every so often he would decide to try the ancient practice. He claimed that his room didn’t give him the visual space he needed to focus and balance, so he needed the living area. Davenport thought it was utter bologna. He made it his mission to be as annoying as possible and force Merle to cut it out. Recently he had come out of his room to the sight of the dwarf in some sort of bed sheet toga contraption. It was for “Authenticity” he claimed. The entire team had quickly shut that down.

It was a few weeks after the toga incident, and Merle was in the living room again. Davenport filled a bowl with the loudest chips he could find, and sat on the couch, crunching and critiquing the other man’s form. Merle was in the downward dog position and his face was beginning to turn red.

“Hey now, don’t forget to breathe man! You know steady breath control is a pillar of a yogi’s core center.”

“Thanks, Dav.”

“Are you hands sweating? You don’t want to be sliding around!”

“Mhmmm…”

“Now you’re breaking too fast. Count with me, in, two, three, four, out, three, four.” Merle grunted in reply. “Drop your head, all that tension in your shoulders from trying to look at me will give you a headache if you’re not careful.”

“Ugh,” the older man crumpled out of the position and laid prostrate on the floor.

“What pose is this?”

“It’s called shove off, Davenport!” The muffled reply of Merle through the gnome into a fit of giggles.

“Oh yeah? What’s this one?” Davenport tossed a handful of chips on the sweaty man. The contagiousness of the high pitched giggles and the outrageousness of having a crunchy snack tossed on him caused Merle to laugh so hard he tooted. After that the laughter was out of control. The two men rolled around the floor giggling like teenage girls at a sleep over.

“Merle?” Asked the gnome as the giggling was finally starting to fizzle out.

“Yeah?”

“Why do you keep starting yoga every few years?”

“It’s one of those things you’re suppose to do you know? I know it’s silly. I should just give up the idea. We’ve been on this ship how long? And I was nearing 40 when we started wasn’t I?”

“I thought you were mid 30s? Unless you lied on your application…”

“I might have. I don’t even remember. But I’ve tried yoga on and off again for like 30 years. Every time I think, this will be it. I’ll finally build some self control, over come something I didn’t think I could. And then I never finish it. I must be really stupid. Who does that? It’s obvious that I’ll never be good at it.”

“But you keep trying. I think it’s admirable. This is something you think will make you a better person and here you are, 30 years later, still trying to be a better person. If at first you don’t succeed try, try again. That’s what you’ve been doing, I mean, if you add about 20 extra trys.”

“Ya really think so?”

“I do, buddy.” Magnus walked into the room at that point and looked at his two small friends on the floor and covered in crumbs and quickly walked back out. That set them off on another set of giggles. After that, Davenport joined in Merle’s yoga practice, much to the despair of the rest of the group. They moved outside when the weather permitted and on nice days Lucretia would join them.

“You know you guys look ridiculous out there don’t you?” Asked Lup one day while they were returning to clean up and get a snack.

“Sure, but it’s fun, and it feels good.” Replied Merle. He called over his shoulder, “And I know you like looking at our butts while we’re doing it!” Lup choked on her drink and wished she had been fast enough to dump the remaining liquid on his head. Davenport stopped by Magnus’s door on his way past.

“Hey, I’ve got a little bit of a headache today, but we need to keep following the light, you up for flying today?” Asked smaller man.

“You bet, Capenport! What time you thinking of leaving?”

“Eh, whenever, just check in with the others and make sure they are ready before you head out. I’m going to shower and lay down.”

“You’re not going to fly with me?”

“I trust you have this.” Dav said. Magnus watched him go into his room before sprinting into Merle’s bed room. Unfortunately for him, Merle was enjoying some nude time before his shower. “Oh god, no! What have I done?!” He covered his eyes.

“Magnus! Close the door!” Shouted the dwarf grabbing the first item of clothing he could find to cover with. It turned out to be one of Taako’s garments that had ended up in the wrong laundry bin. “What do you want? I’m clothed now.”

“Do you always pose like that when before your showers?”

“I wasn’t posing. I was just waiting for the water to warm.”

“Uh huh. Yeah, in a superhero pose.”

“What do you want, Magnus?!” Merle snapped, and then nearly tripped over the abundance of fabric he was wearing.

“Davenport is having me take over flying today.”

“Great. Are you here to brag? I don’t like flying.”

“No, Merle, he’s going to be taking a nap while I fly the ship.”

“He won’t be in the cockpit at all?”

“No, he said his head hurts.” Merle thought over his morning with the captain, but nothing stuck out to him as being off or strange.

“He seemed normal with me. Maybe he’s finally starting to trust you?” Magnus looked pointedly at his friend. “You’re right. Something’s up. Um… let me, ya know. Get dressed. And I’ll help you figure out what’s going on.”

“Yeah, sure, bye,” Magnus shuffled out of the door but paused and asked, “Is that Taako’s dress?”

“Get out, Maggy!” The older man growled. Magnus promptly found Taako and told him their friend was freeballing in his dress. Chaos ensued as Merle was once again prepping for his shower when Taako went to retrieve his property.

“My E Y E S! Oh god, they are burning!” He yelled through the closed door. “What are you doing? Can’t you take a shower like a normal person?”

“Ya know, I don’t barge into your room and ask you questions about your personal hygiene!”

“I don’t steal your clothing and prance around naked in it!”

“I can’t be naked AND wearing your clothing now can I?”

“He has a point Taako,” Lup chimed in.

“Shut it, you!" he shot at his sister before returning to yell at the door. "I hate you Merle, that is my favorite kimono and now I’m going to have to burn it!”

“I’ll keep it if you don’t want it anymore!”

“Over my dead body!” Taako went to his room and slammed the door.

It wasn’t long after the outburst that Magnus’s investigation started. Davenport finished his shower and dung through the medicine cabinet for a long time before taking several bottles and jars back to his room with him. Once the Starblaster was airborne and making its way east, he asked Merle about a fever. Davenport felt crummier then he’d ever felt before. It turned out that when ill, the crew’s leader became the worlds biggest baby. He was completely pitiful. While Barry and Merle would concede that he truly was very sick, everyone else believed he had a small cold (maybe even just allergies) and milked it for a month. It did last for a month.

“Lup, is there anymore of that soup you made?” Davenport asked one afternoon, he was leaning against the counter in the kitchen.

“No, you ate the last of it yesterday.”

“Oh, I was really hoping for some more. It was really good.” Lup watched his shoulders slump and he went to the cabinet. She narrowed her eyes. 3. 2. 1. He turned back to her. “Are there any leftovers? I’m feeling a little lightheaded.”

“You’re the worst, O captain, my captain.” She unfolded herself from her chair. “Sit down. What do you want? It’ll take me like 45 minutes to make that soup again.” He nodded like a small child as he climbed into the barstool.

“Thanks, Lup.” The room was silent except for her working. She was an expert chef. Dav watched both twins work in the kitchen frequently. In truth he missed cooking, it was a major hassle to work in the Starblaster’s kitchen since it was designed by a couple of elves who were over twice as tall as he was. Even as good as a cook as he was, the Taaco twins were artists, moving effortlessly and creating the most amazing flavors. Not to mention they both weaved magic smoothy into their techniques, which made the time go by much faster. When the soup was ready, Lup filled two bowls and sat down next to the smaller man.

“I can’t wait for you to feel better,” she said taking a big bite. Before he could respond she added, “I’m going to make you do so many things for me.”


	6. Twenty-Nine

“Lucretia!”

“Creesh!”

"Lucy?"

“Lucretia where are you? Hello?” She’d been gone for about six hours. It was supposed to be a quick mission. Skiska, their local guide had taken her out to gather flowers for her notebooks. It wasn’t a long trip and it had begun to get dark, she should have been back on the starblaster by this time.

“Barry! Over here! I found her, Magnus we need help!” The men came running and found Merle crouched over Lucretia’s body doing a health check. She’d been completely battered and Magnus’s heart nearly stopped at the sight of her, bloody and bruised. Tears began to fall down the dwarf’s cheeks.

“She’s there, but barely. Help me get her to the ship.” Her notebook had been torn in half and the basket she had gathered interesting plants for safekeeping had been trampled. The knife she carried had been used to carve a short warning into a nearby tree before dropped into the mud below.

**L e a v e.**

Barry felt nauseated. Someone should’ve gone with her, they should have never trusted anyone outside of their group. How cold they have been so stupid? He ran off in the direction the rest of his teammates had left in search of Lucretia. What if they had planned another attack? He screamed for Davenport and Taako, thankful that Lup had been designated to stay on the ship. Keeping Lucretia’s small knife brandished he ran though the forest.

“Taako! We found her!” He shouted. “Dav! Back to the ship! Guys?”

“Barry, you got her?” His friends appeared through the leaves. “Is she okay? What happened?”

“We need to get back to the ship. Right now. We found her. Let’s go.” Something moved around from behind him. “Run. Now.” The entire run back to the Starblaster someone was following them. Barry had never killed anything in his life but in that moment, if someone had come out of the bushes at them, he wouldn’t hesitate, not for a moment. The three friends made it safely to their ship, Magnus was guarding the entrance and they quickly locked themselves inside.

“Magnus?” The large man didn’t acknowledge Taako’s question, he just took off toward their friend’s room, the rest of the group following close behind. The familiar sight of Merle with his Extreme Teen Bible open and glowing in one hand met Magnus when he entered. Today, his other hand was resting on Lucretia’s forehead, his quiet devotions to Pan were replaced with firm chanting, praying, begging. Magnus had never been a particularly religious man, but today he took his friends limp hand in his and chanted the words he’d heard so many times:

_Oh to you, our great god Pan, in your goodness we follow, in your judgement we fear._

_Blessed are you for you’ve given us nutrients, you’ve given us beauty, you’ve given us life._

_Oh to you, our god Pan, send blessings upon us as we govern your work._

Lup came up behind him, placed a hand on his shoulder and joined her voice in with his. Taako joined and soon all seven members of the IPRE team lifted their voices in unison. After a few rounds, Magnus’s voice faltered, he lifted Lucretia’s hand to his mouth and just begged, “Please, please, please, please…” over and over again. Nearly an hour later heart rate was still feeble, her breathing ragged, when Merle began to sag, barely able to lift his bible.

“Merle, you need rest,” Davenport exclaimed, he supported the dwarf and began leading him from the room. “Taako, could you get him something to eat before he faints?” The elf nodded, motioning his sister to come with him. Magnus watched everyone begin shuffling out of the room.

“We can’t be done. She’e barely holding on to life right now.”

“Magnus, there is nothing more I can do tonight.”

“We all need a break, we can take turns sitting with her.”

“That’s not enough, Merle, you can’t just leave her like this.” Magnus’s voice raised in panic. Barry crossed to him and touched his arm.

“He’s drained, buddy, there isn’t anything he can do right now.” The fighter jerked away from his touch.

“Lucretia would do anything to save any one of us, you should all be willing to do the same.”

“We are, my dude, but she’s in a bad way. We can pray to a god all night long but until he intervenes we are shit out of luck.” Taako snapped.

“Well, maybe it has more to do with our cleric being shit than anything else.”

“Magnus, stop.”

“Why won’t your god do-“

“That’s not what’s happe-“

“anything, what is it you do all day?” “Get him out of here, this can’t be good for-“ “You’re acting ridiculous.”

“STOP IT!” Roared Merle from the doorway. “Magnus Burnsides, you aren’t the only one who cares about Lucretia. You aren’t the only one hurting here.” The older mans voice shook. “I should be able to do more. I can’t. The little bit I’ve been able to do has taken more from me than it should. All I can think is that we have come to a plane of reality that Pan doesn’t acknowledge.” Davenport opened his mouth to say something, but Merle continued. “One day, through no fault of your own, you will be unable to help your friends, and when that happens, I hope you don’t have some shit head blame you.” Magnus watched as each of his friends looked at him with pity before following Merle out.

Up until then, Magnus had wanted to hit something, he wanted to rip apart those responsible for this with his bare hands, but finding himself alone he suddenly felt so empty. The fight had left him, he had never felt so useless. Lucretia was dying and there was nothing he could do about it. Sinking to the floor beside her bed, he placed his head in his hands and wept.

In the kitchen, Lup and Taako worked silently, seemingly reading each other minds to put together something that might bring comfort to their friends. Much faster than should be normal, a large pot sat steaming with a beef stew full of flavorful veggies and a broth that made you feel like you pulled on your favorite sweater. The elves dished out large bowls of soup and slices of bread to deliver to the crew.

Taako refused to take any to Magnus, still angry about his outburst, but Lup wanted to try to get some broth in Lucretia and she wouldn’t leave Magnus hungry. Floating the food infant of her to keep her hands free, Lup quietly opened the door but stopped before entering when she heard Magnus talking.

“Lucy, you can’t leave me. I love you, Lucretia. And I need you to stick around so I can tell you. Can you do that for me? You are so good, you’re too good. I know it’s selfish of me, but I need you here. I promise I’ll always keep you safe, I’m so sorry I failed you. Please come back. I love you. I love you. Please.” Lup couldn’t see him but she was sure he was crying silently. She would come back later.

Lucretia didn’t make it through the night. Magnus was inconsolable. Lup knew the reason and kept it to herself. The rest of the team just assumed that since he was the only person who had died in their travels from something that wasn’t directly linked to the Hunger’s rampage on their current reality he was just sensitive. He spent two days digging a grave and setting up a headstone. In his anger he struggled with whether he wanted to find the light of creation or not, he wanted this world to pay for what they had done to Lucretia.

“Magnus,” Lup’s voice broke through his thoughts, “it’s getting dark. We should go back inside.” No one left the ship as the sun was setting, and they kept groups of two or more at all times. “I’ll com back with you tomorrow. I know it’s hard.”

“You don’t know.”

“Magnus—”

“No, Lup, it isn’t the same. When I died it was my fault. I was stupid. And when she, this is my fault. I didn’t protect her.”

“None of us did.”

“It’s not the same for you.”

“I know. But you can’t carry this forever. You’ll see her again.”

“It’s not—”

“Magnus, I know. Okay? I—I heard you, you know, talking to her that night.”

“You heard?”

“Yeah.” The two friends stared at each other, after a few moments Taako called for them to come inside. “I haven’t told anyone. Let’s go inside buddy.” Lup took his hand and pulled him toward the Starblaster.

After that night the friends were rarely separated, and much to Barry’s annoyance, they were constantly touching. Nothing was outside the realm of friends, the entire team was extremely comfortable with each other and pretty affectionate, but Manus and Lup never stopped. Their shoulders touched when she taught him to chop carrots, she propped her feet on his lap when the group lounged in the living room, she sat on his back while he did push ups, but even more then that was the secret moments they shared with just a look. He was jealous and he hated it. It wasn’t until he realized they had begun to spend nights in each other’s rooms that he braced himself for the announcement that they were together. One night Magnus came out of her room to get a drink of water, pillow wrinkles on his face indicated he had been asleep. Barry needed to know.

“You guys are up late,” he commented.

“Well, she says I fell asleep an hour ago, but I swear we were just talking about those bugs, you remember them, they tried to eat us all alive a few years ago,” the redhead said yawning in the middle of it. The other man nodded and debated whether to say anything.

“So, I probably shouldn’t be asking. But,” Barry paused, almost changing his mind, but Magnus suddenly looked extremely alert, “do you— you love her right?” He stumbled over the words a little and looked down.

“She tell you? I shouldn’t be surprised. I guess I wasn’t really subtle. Yeah, I think so. She’s,” Magnus got this goofy grin on his face and Barry felt his heart drop. “She’s amazing. I can’t wait to see what the future has in store.”

“I’m glad for you man. You deserve it.” Barry lied. He was devastated. However, Magnus was talking about Lucretia, and hiding in Lup’s room was a set of miniature figures that looked like all seven members on the crew that the two of them had been trying to animate. It would be weeks before their cycle started all over and he figured it out. It would take him a long time to notice, but special care had been put into his miniature. 

As always, the hunger came down, black tendrils impacting this world with terrifying force. They hadn’t reclaimed the light and suddenly, now that he had to watch this world be ripped apart from an unimaginable horror, Magnus felt bad that he had ever wished harm on them. But as they left the plane and all reappeared again on the ship he forgot about all of that. She was more beautiful than he remembered. He couldn’t bare it anymore. Magnus rushed in and kissed her. The whole world seemed to stop. Not just for Magnus, but for every other person on the Starblaster, suddenly nothing else mattered. Merle was completely taken by surprise, he couldn’t really think about any of his friends in a romantic way and he was mildly grossed out. Taako was instantly annoyed. If anyone were to ask him, he definitely knew about this and thought it was a terrible idea. Concerned, Barry looked at Lup immediately, but she grimaced, as if she were watching a bad car accident, he didn’t understand and looked around the room for more clues. It took Davenport a few moments to notice, his attention on the new plane they had just entered, but when he did he instantly started preparing for worst case scenarios. And he would need them.

“Magnus?” Lucretia pulled away, confused.

“I love you.”

“No.”

“Yes. I love you, Lucy, I love you so much,” Magnus gushed and stepped closer to her. She stepped back again.

“Magnus, no. I’m so sorry.” She looked around at her friends, embarrassed. She ran away.


	7. Thirty-Three

“I’m goin back.”

“Merle, wait, I think you should give it a rest. I mean, you don’t have to go back today,” Magnus rushed out. It was barely 30 seconds after the Starblaster reappeared on a new plane, jump starting another year. “I mean, this guy kills you after about an hour in, and then you’re dead for the rest of the year.”

“But what if this time he doesn’t? What if I reach him?”

“My man, I would love that, but I really feel like you’re just getting information on him. He’s past reaching,” added Taako.

“You both need a little more faith. It’s been slow going but this is the best thing I can be doing.” Merle began taking his shirt off again.

“But do you need to do it right this second? Come on Merle, hang out for a week at least. I have to say, I’ve missed your hairy little self,” joked Magnus.

“Speak for yourself!” Called Lucretia from the other side of the room. “Just kidding Merle! I miss you a lot.” Merle looked around at his friends.

“You really want me to stay?”

“Not if you’re going to get emotional about it, sheesh,” said Taako. “I love you, too.”

“Gross, old man. Keep your feelings to yourself.” It was decided that Merle would stay for a month before returning to parley with John. It didn’t take Davenport long to realize that his buddy was a ball of anxiety. Merle didn’t want to talk about it, so the captain tried to keep an eye out and promote healthy routines. Yoga started again, and when the dwarf started nibbling on his fingernails Davenport invited him for a walk in the local woods.

“I like these trees.” Merle said and Davenport and Taako realized that their friend had stopped a ways back to look at a large tree. “See how the leaves up there leave lines between the different trees? That’s called crown shyness.”

“You just made that up.” Taako said, dismissively.

“Why would I make that up?”

“To feel special.”

“Anyway, I love it because it always allowed a lot of light in to the forest which allows a wider variety of plants to grow in the underbrush.” “That’s really cool, Merle,” Davenport said smiling. “I think John hasn’t had any light shine through his canopy in the while.” Merle sat down, leaning against the tree. “What if you’re right, Taako? What if it’s too late for him? What if he’s completely rotten and ruined on the inside? How long can we fight off the hunger? We can’t keep this up forever, logically when we retrieve the light, it’s a draw, but when we don’t he get’s bigger, stronger. Eventually we won’t be able to beat him.”

“Hey buddy, I was just trying to get you to stay. I believe I what you’re doing.” Taako dropped to his knees next to the dwarf. “You can’t doubt yourself because of something I said.”

“But, you’re right. I need— I can’t be here. I need to talk to him again.”

“Merle, you’re panicking. Is now the right time to go? I’m concerned this is going to consume you.”

“Guys, things are different for me. I don’t exist for the rest of the cycle when I die. One second I’m in parley, having a conversation and playing a chess game, and then I’m on the ship again. I know that you have the rest of the year to wait and wonder but I’m in the middle of something. I gotta go back.” Merle made his way back to the ship as quickly as his legs would take him, his friends following quietly behind him. Although they felt his behavior to be unhealthy, what could they do other than watch his form slowly turn to mist before their eyes.

“If he want to throw away his life, then fucking let him. I guess we should just be thankful he tells us anything when he comes back,” Lup snapped. “It’s not like there are other members of this team who could sit down and strategize this plan or anything.”

“He’s the only one who knows parley,” Davenport tried to reason with her.

“But he’s not the only one here! Merle isn’t even a good diplomat! I certainly wouldn’t trust him to talk our way out of a pickle, and yet here we are,” she countered. Magnus rolled his eyes dramatically.

“It’s not like we had any options, Lup. I’d rather have some line of communication than none. If this is what Merle wants to do, then fucking let him. Merle is in there right now risking his life because he really believes that he can get through to this guy. And sure, he’ll come back. But you know and I know that it still fucking hurts to die, and he’s loosing an entire damn year because this is important.”

“First of all, he doesn’t have to lose the year! Sec—”

“That’s not for you to decide!” Magnus cut her off.

“Second—excuse you!”

“Did you even look at him the last couple weeks?” Magnus was fuming, talking right over her. “Did you see his hands? How much he bit and picked at his fingers? How much the bled? He didn’t eat. The man forgot to water his fucking plants, Lup.” She glanced at the window and noticed that the leaves of several plants were looking brown, one thing had shriveled up completely. “We need to support him. He needs to see this through and we need to make sure that we are there to help him, even when that means letting him go.”

“You’re missing my point completely. I know that this is hard for him. I K N O W. I _want_ him to succeed. I want him to go. But, if you had cared to listen for half a second, I also want to be a part of the discussion. He’s completely cut us out and that’s unacceptable. As his teammates we deserve to know what’s going on.” Davenport looked like he was going to interrupt her but she held up her hand and continued, “We need to insist that he recount everything that was said, and then we should discuss possible implications based on new information, we need notes, and thought processes. I think he’s going about this all backwards and I know this isn’t my project, he can do it his own way, but we should be part of it. Merle can’t be in there trying to make a new buddy, this is life or death for us too.” It was quiet for a few moments until Barry stood behind Lup and put his hand on her shoulder.

“You’re both right. Merle is doing his best and we should support him, however he needs that support. But he also needs to support us. The same way Taako doesn’t make food we all hate, or I make a discovery without discussing it with you all, he should make us his first priority. We’ve got the rest of the year to come up with a plan that we can pitch to him before he returns to parley.” Everyone sat for a few minutes thinking about that.

“That’ll be the plan then. Unless anyone has anything to add?” Davenport asked. When met with silence he nodded to the group and went to the cockpit. He always felt Merle’s absence the most, spending a lot of time alone for the first few days. Barry realized his hand was still on Lup’s shoulder and thought it might look awkward. He pulled her ponytail. She went to elbow him in the balls, he was quick and she she hit his stomach instead.

“Getting a little soft there, eh Barold?” She laughed and he pushed her out of her chair. Taako watched in disgusted amusement as the two adults wrestled around the ship, like hormone crazed teenagers. Both were so oblivious to the others feelings, it almost made him feel sorry for them, but mostly he felt sorry for himself since the others were so busy thinking about their own life and drama he had no one to complain about the two lovebirds with. Persuading Lup to say something to Barry was pointless. She had doubled down on her belief that it would be difficult for the team to handle a relationship after what happened between Magnus and Lucretia. To be fair to Lup, that was a solid argument. He glanced over at them and they were both trying to leave the dining room and walk in the same direction without making eye contact. It was painful.

Quiet as death it’s self, Taako followed in step with Magnus and slipped into his room behind him. The redhead made it halfway across the room before his friend slammed the door and shouted “Magnus!” He nearly jumped out of his skin and turned around to find Taako grinning like a cat, and Magnus hated cats.

“What the fuck!” “Sorry, big man, but you need to be on your guard better.”

“What do you want, Taako?” His voice defeated.

“I’d like to talk about Luce, my dude.”

“No.”

“Bro, if—”

“I don’t want to talk about it. It’s fine. I’m fine she’s fine. Everything is fine!” Magnus realized he had been raising his voice throughout that and quietly added. “It’s all good man.”

“Uh huh, yeah, I can see that. And also, you’re a LIAR.”

“I am a liar, Taako! I’m fucking lying because nothing is fine right now and it hasn’t been for so fucking long and I don’t know how to fix it.” Magnus was pacing and Taako had to sit on the desk to avoid being run down. This had already gone way deeper than he meant it to, he assumed Magnus would kick him out pretty quickly, but then think about it and talk to Lucretia. He had clearly misjudged this and now he was stuck with the dramatics.

“First of all, I know for a fact that all of you have been talking about me, and I really hate that.” Magnus was stomping around and it felt so good to get some of this off his chest. “I did love Lucretia, I don’t care what Davenport believes. Belittling my feelings for her is low.” “Did!” Taako interjected. “You said did. That’s past tense, explain!”

“I’m obviously not in love with her anymore, you dingus. She’s made it perfectly clear that she has no feelings for me, what kind of psychopath would I be to continue to pursue her, or even pine away forever. It hurt, it still hurts, but I know it went about this whole thing so wrong. It wouldn’t have happened like this if we had a normal fucking life, but that’s another issue entirely.” Taako hoped he wasn’t going to still be around to listen to that issue too. “I guess it’s just fading, with time you know? And like, sometimes I look at her and it hurts so much to know she’s never looked at me like that and she never will, and I want that. I want to be wanted. I want someone to daydream about me, so I know I have put Lucretia back in her box, she’s my friend and nothing more. And it’s hard. So I have to stay away from her for awhile. And I know it’s uncomfortable for everyone else. I’m sorry. It’s not great, but” Magnus had stopped pacing, he was on the bed looking very much like he was about to cry. Taako debated running to get Lup to come clean up the mess he’d made.

“It hurts. It really fucking hurts to look at her, or think about her. I’ll get over it soon, I think.” Taako tentatively moved to sit next to him. “I just want to go home. I’m tired of this ship, and I’m tired of risking out lives. I know that it’s impossible, but I just want to go home and have my Grammys banana pudding.” He started crying then, big, pitiful, open-mouthed sobs. Taako put his arm around his friends shoulder, feeling uncomfortable. Magnus didn’t cry for long, but he gripped Taako in a tight hug thanking him and apologizing for a while. The elf patted him on the back, mentally trying to come up with a recipe for banana pudding.

Unaware of Taako’s growing discomfort, Lup, who had stolen Barry’s hat, ran into his room in hopes of finding a good hiding spot to scare him. He was faster than she anticipated and grabbed her around the middle and tossed her on his bed laughing. This was perfect. She was happy, they were alone, now was his change to say something. He stood, just looking at her, she looked beautiful, her hair was crazy, her smile huge, but he waited too long.

“You all right there, buddy?” The elf woman sat up, looking at him worriedly. She had been reading and working with Merle (as much as she could) to learn some basic healing and first aid. Much to the annoyance of the rest of the team, she was desperate to try everything and pounced on any scratch or bump.

“No, I’m fine.” He fumbled and lost his nerve. She called him buddy, which was better than pal, but not exactly what you’d want to be referred to before confessions your love. “I, uh, wanted to check on you. I know you’re pretty butt hurt about Merle and I just, uh, I just wanted to check. You know… on you.” Lup flopped back on the bed, he was acting weird and it was so adorable.

“I’m good, man. Just frustrated. When you obsess over things in your lab, you’re still here. I can go in there and help or pester you. I still _have_ you. But this? Merle is gone. For a long time. We’ve barely seen him for 3 years and I guess it’s selfish of me when you really look at it. But I want to help him. I want to see him. And he doesn’t care that I need him.”

“I don’t think that’s selfish.”

“Well, it is.” She leaned up on her elbows and looked at him. He was sitting against the headboard, legs crossed, inspecting something on his elbow that he could just barely see, pulling the skin and trying to get a good look at it. It looked ridiculous but Lup thought it was the cutest thing in the world. She looked around his room, mostly tidy with some clutter, open books all over his desk and nightstand. His closet was open, everything was hung up, but his dirty clothing wasn’t all in the basket. She noticed the little figurine that Magnus and she had made for the team a while back , and next to it was her miniature. She had wondered where that had gone. She crawled across the bed and reached for it. The movement drew Barry’s attention from his arm to her.

“Oh, shit. I should have hidden that better.” He got really red as he talked.

“Barry! Did you steal her out of my room? You fucker!” She was laughing but was insanely curious.

“Yes.. I wanted to see if you’d notice! Look I have Merle’s too!” He opened a drawer under the shelf and there was the little figure, wearing those stupid floppy sandals he made out of kelp.

“Why are you stealing these? How did you get them? Fess up, babe, you’ve been caught.”

“I hadn’t thought too far ahead.” He was so glad he snagged Merles recently, it made coming up with a convincing lie much easier. “I took yours first. A couple weeks ago, you were teaching Magnus how to do the waltz, again, and I passed your room and she was right there on your dresser by the door. So I grabbed it. I thought you might notice much sooner, and then when you didn’t, I made a goal to see how many I could get before anyone noticed.” She was cackling at this point in his story.

“Where does Merle keep his?”

“Next to his toothbrush in the bathroom, as like decoration in there.”

“He’s so fucking weird!”

“Yeah, I think Taako’s is going to be the hardest to get my hands on. He’s the most guarded about his bedroom.”

“Why is mine sitting out?” She asked, smoothing the tiny skirt it was wearing. _Shit_.

“I uh, was comparing them.” He grabbed the little Barry and held it out next to the little Lup. “You’re is practically incomplete. She doesn’t have freckles or earrings. Mine even has crooked ears so my glasses don’t sit right.”

“Oh that,” Lup said dismissively. “We were running out of time so mine is less detailed.” She lied smoothly, almost effortlessly.

“I thought that at first." Barry pressed, there was an answer he was looking for and that wasn't it. "But when you look at Merle’s. His is clearly him, but not as detailed at all. I mean, look at his eyes, they’re the right color, but the depth and details are missing, that mine have. And you know, he has that bump on his nose—”

“Well, maybe I got carried away with yours. It’s no big deal,” she blurted. “Hey, I’m going to check on Davenport. You know how he gets after Merle leaves. Later, dude.” And with that the elf woman ran out of the room scared. She needed to cool it with Barry. She had done so well keeping herself in check. She couldn’t get lazy now. Just look at Luce and Maggy, that would be her if she didn’t get her act together. It wasn’t entirely her fault, she reasoned, he was absolutely perfect and wonderful and he pulled her in like a whirlpool. What was a girl to do? It felt like there was a whirlpool in her stomach when she thought back to what might have happened if she told him she spent more time his figurine than all the others combined. Get control girl, she thought.

Cap was pouting due to the loss of Merle. Magnus was avoiding Luc and she was avoiding him, too. Lup was staying away from Barry at all costs and was moody without her. And that was how Taako found himself in the loneliest year thus far and he was not enjoying it. But he _was_ getting yolked from all the push ups cha’boy had been doing in his down time.


	8. Chapter 8

It had been months of nothing but the inside of the StarBlaster and everyone was more than a little restless. It was a wonder they hadn’t killed each other, Lord of the Flies style. Merle was gone and with him the strange peace he brought. Not that Merle was particularly good at mediating or peacemaking, he mostly said or did something that resulted in people being more annoyed with him then each other, nothing brings people together like having a common enemy. Unlike everyone else, Merle also had no issues with people being upset with him, and he was so ridiculous sometimes, no one could stay mad for long. Without him the crew was not doing so well.

Taako opened the lid of the garbage can and dumped in yet another batch of cookies, being sure to make as much noise as he could while at it. The bang of the banking sheet against the counter was the last straw for Davenport. He left his spot at the table and dug a cookie out of the trash. The elf chef watched in annoyance as he inspected the discarded item.

“You think you can do better?” Taako challenged.

“No! I think you’re being ridiculous. This is a fine cookie! The last 7 dozen cookies were great. I loved the first one you made, I’m sure this one would be fine. What’s the matter with you?”

“What else is there to do, man? No one is going to eat all these cookies. I don’t think they are good enough. So I’m tossing them.”

“Can you not waste all the supplies we have? We have to be here all year.”

“Oh no! I’ve used several cups of flower and sugar! I’m a monster!”

“You’re just bored!”

“Of C O U R S E I’m bored! What else is there to do? For fucks sake tell me, because all you’ve done today is stare at the table in the living room, and then the table in the dining room, and I’m sure you have plans to stare at the night table in your bedroom later!”

“Boys! Separate and go to your rooms,” called a voice from the other room. Lup was siting upside down on the couch trying to tie Barry’s shoelaces together without him noticing.

“Fuck off!” Answered both Davenport and Taako at the same time. This small act of camaraderie was not enough bridge the differences between them. Now annoyed further with Davenport, Taako sneered at him before dropping a handful of cooking utensils on the counter.

“I’m going to take a nap. Feel free to stare at the counters.” Davenport flipped his friend the bird behind his back. He wanted to hit something. Magnus wasn’t in the common spaces, the gnome trotted off in search of something to punch. There was no answer at the larger man’s door, but Dav was pretty desperate so he opened the door a little bit and poked his head inside. That image reminded Magnus so much of his mother coming into his room unannounced to “check up” on him, the lack of privacy nearly drove him insane as a child and young adult. The room was dark and Magnus was on his bed bouncing a ball against the wall across from him and catching it. It looked about as boring as it felt.

“What do you want?” He asked, his tone laced with exasperation, still tossing the ball.

“Just wanted to see if you wanted to do anything?” Davenport squeaked, unsure what he had done to receive such a cold response. “I”m pretty frustrated with Taako, and I was thinking, maybe you wanted to do some training? I’m looking to punch something!”

“And you need to bother me for that? Go scream at your pillow and thump it a few times.” Magnus caught the ball and then rolled over with his back to the captain.

“Okay, maybe next time.”

“Probably not!” Came the sarcastic reply. Davenport stomped off and did exactly that, Magnus however threw the ball at the door so hard it bounced back and hit him in the face, giving him a bloody nose. He was annoyed at himself. He hadn’t left his room in several days, all day today he had been indignant that no on had even noticed or checked up on him, yet here was sweet Davenport coming to try and include him and he was so rude. What was wrong with him? The bathroom was on the other side of Lucretia’s room, his nose bleed wasn’t all that bad, but maybe, if her door was open, it would start a conversation. He hated himself for missing her so much. It took a long time (the better part of 2 years) to realize that Luce wasn’t interested and his feelings were never going to be reciprocated no matter what grand gesture he did. Once he finally caught on, he had ignored her pretty aggressively for nearly 3 years but since then he just hadn’t figured out how to try to be friends again without things being weird. Waiting for the right moment didn’t seem to be working, but perhaps, if she saw him bloodied, she would start the conversation.

“What the fuck, Maggy,” shouted the last person he wanted to notice. Lup flipped around from her inverted pose on the couch and went to take a look at his nose. “Did Davenport fucking punch you? He’s on a rampage today, I shit you not. He popped the fuck off on Taako earlier. I think it’s broken. Magnus stop! Let me look at it!” He had started swatting her away and heading back to his room. He’d had enough of her trying to fix the Luce issue. He didn’t need her bothering him about this too.

“Leave me alone, Penelope!” She hated that name. Not only was it not her not her name, she thought it was the most unattractive name imaginable. It didn’t even have her name in the actual name unless it was misspelled.

“Whatever Magnolia!”

“That isn’t even inventive! You’re so dumb!”

“What about Magnet? Maggot? How about Mag-nuts! Get it? Magnuts?” Lup yelled the names down the hallway, laughing loudly at her own jokes. He slammed his bedroom door and she thought about bothering him more, but clearly something that crawled up his butt so she left him alone. On the couch sat Barry, who still had not noticed that his shoes were tied together, and also hadn’t moved much in the last several hours. In fact he almost seemed to be asleep. Lup tried to keep her emotions under control, but this cycle had been so hard. There was no escaping anyone on this stupid ship. Even if she wanted to pull a Magnus and hide from her problems, she knew he would seek her out. She had tried. Instead, she blew hot and cold. All she wanted in the entire world was to lay down on the couch with him and take a nap, so naturally, to keep herself safe, she untied his shoes, and barked at him to go to his room and sleep. Barry was half asleep so there were no arguments from him, and his shoes, while not being tied together, were sill dragging the laces so he tripped a few times. She watched him go and wished he would just ask her to join him. The resolve to keep the dynamic of the group above her own desires had been growing weaker by the year. The only thing that held her back from saying anything was his apparent platonic feelings he had for her.

Magnus’s plan for getting Lucretia’s attention would have worked had Lup not intervened. Hearing the elf’s exclamations about his face had her peeking around the door frame at the two of them. It was clear he didn’t need her, and from the way he was acting, didn’t want anyone fussing over him so she went back to her desk and worked on some more drawings. She had been working on a collection of detailed plant diagrams from the different worlds. It was a project she would probably never finish but it meant she always had something to do. It probably wasn’t the healthiest coping mechanism to avoid everyone else, but to her, it seemed the safest. Each and every other crew member had at least one argument during the first couple weeks. So far, she’d only had a disagreement with Taako, unless you count Magnus’s continued silence, which she didn’t anymore.

Merle had likely been more than happy to escape the StarBlaster after his 10 days with them all shut inside, she thought to herself. It seemed quiet on board so she ventured to the kitchen and snacked on a few cookies. She preferred plain chocolate chip cookies, crispy on the outside but gooey in the middle, these were a little softer than she liked but Magnus would go monkey balls for them. Without thinking she piled a few on a plate for him and made it half way down the hallway before she thought better of it. Then stubbornly, she whipped back around, nearly losing a cookie in the process. If he was going to be an asshole, that didn’t mean that she needed to also be one. And he doesn’t have to know the cookies are from her, Taako made them and anyone could have left them by his door. She changed her mind again, what if this gave him the wrong impression? That wouldn’t be good for anyone, especially him. She stood frozen in the hallway debating for so long that Magnus’s door opened again and he looked surprised to see her. “What are you doing?”

“I uh, well, Taako, Taako, he made cookies. They aren’t my favorite, but I thought you, um, I thought, he was… I was, you,” she couldn’t get it out. Her eyes started watering and she couldn’t catch her breath and gods why was this happening? “

Luce?” She just stood there crying, Magnus took her by the shoulders and led her to her bedroom. Taking the plate of cookies he pressed her into her favorite reading chair and then pulled the desk chair around to face her. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…” she just kept repeating, wiping at her eyes and nose with the end of her sleeve. “Lucretia, I need you to breathe. Can you do that? Your yoga breathing, in and out, can you do that?” She nodded, trying to break slowly but only managing little shudder gasps of air. Magnus felt like such a dick. “Good, there you go. Please stop apologizing. Listen, I should be sorry. I _am_ sorry. I have fucked up in so many ways.”

Magnus put his face in his hands. He had no idea what to say. It was stupid to admit, but he really thought that one day, she would say something and he could respond, casual, no big deal, easy, and then things would slowly go back to normal. They could just find their way back toeing friends naturally without all of the explaining and pouring out of his heart that was about to happen. He sighed. This is the part where he has to look at her and break his heart all over again.

“I’m sorry. For everything, and I don’t know why you’re crying now, but I’m pretty sure it’s my fault, too. I’ve been an ass, I told myself this was the only way I could get over you, but honestly, I liked that you were uncomfortable. And that was mean. And I don’t still think that, that was a long time ago, and I’m sorry. Damn it I’m really sorry.”

“Magnus,” Lucretia interjected.

“Hold on, I have to get this all out.” He looked at her then. She had calmed down and was looking very concerned, her eyes were still red from crying, and nodded. “I was very selfish the year you died, it was really unhealthy, I’d had a crush and then all those emotions and it got out of hand and you weren’t here to feel any of it and I threw it all at you at once. I thought for a long time you would come around, that I just took my shot too early. But you didn’t and that was hard so I needed to get away from you, which is practically impossible on this goddamn ship.” Lucretia looked like she might cry again. “Please don’t cry. Please, please don’t cry.”

“I’m good, I’m good, I promise I am. Can I say something?” She sniffled and swiped at another tear.

“Yeah, I think I’m making a huge mess of this anyway.”

“First of all, Magnus, I get it. It’s not been a great few years for either of us. I know you need time, and I don’t want to pressure you. I just need you to know that I miss my friend and whenever you’re ready, I’m ready, too. Okay?” A few more tears fell down her cheeks.

“I think I am. And I think you’re being way too nice about this. If you wanted to hit me a good few hundred times I’d deserve it.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I plan on it. Just when you least expect it.” The friends laughed together. It had been a really long time and it felt good to smile in each others company. “Is it moving too fast if I give you a hug? Lucretia started laughing again to keep from crying. She nodded her head and stood up for a hug. Magnus quickly pulled her in close and they stood there for a long time. “You’re still in my top 6 favorite friends, you know?” Lucretia laughed and hugged him tighter. After a few more sniffles and bouts of crying, Magnus noticed the cookies again. “

“Were you bringing me cookies?”

“Oh, yeah I was. Taako was going to toss them and they are your favorite.”

“Aww, Lucy, I’ve been such a monster to you, and you were still going to give me cookies?”

“Taako made them!” Magnus ignored her and crammed an entire cookie his mouth.

“I wove oo Lufy!” He said, grinning from ear to ear.

Everyone held their breath the next morning when Lucretia finally made it down for breakfast and sat next to Magnus, Davenport choked on his juice when the redhead wordlessly piled pancakes on a plate for her. The gnome sat there coughing and pointing while Lup slapped him on the back. “We see it Dav, take a breath.”

“Good morning Creesh, how are you today?” Taako asked, sliding the syrup her way.

“I’m good, really good. How about you?” The elf glanced at Davenport and rolled his eyes. “Been better, I was thinking of going outside today, putting myself out of my misery.”

“The oxygen masks aren’t ready yet you—“ Barry started to say before realizing what the other man meant. “Oh, no Taako that’s a bad joke.” “I’m not joking my dude. This hottie is tired and the bullshit and want out.”

“Well, before you do that, can I get your help on a project?” Lucretia jumped in before anyone else could.

“What the fuck Creesh?” Lup asked, standing up.

“What?”

“He just said he wanted to die and you’re not going to try to stop him, just get his help first? That’s fucked up.” She turned to her brother. “Taako, let’s go talk in my room.”

“No, can do baby sister. I’ve got plans with our dear Lucretia.” He panned his eyes over to Barry and back to her. “I’m sure you’ll find something else to do.” She turned bright red and sat back down.

“What are you working on, Luce?” Magnus asked between bites.

“Just an idea, Taako and I will tell you all about it later.” She finished her plate and she and Taako left the room together. Fuming, Lup watched them disappear down the hallway.

“How were you also casual about that?”

“Taako is just being dramatic. He’s not going outside. Creesh found a way to distract him and if that turns out to not be the case, I will personally help you make a straight jacket for him.” Barry responded. “We are all handling this lock down in our own ways and if he needs some gallows humor to get him through it, so be it.”

“I’ll help keep an eye on him.” Magnus added.

“You!” Lup pointed at him. He still had his fork in his mouth. “What happened with you and Lucretia?” “We talked.” “And…?” Davenport prodded. “Now we talk.”

“Magnus! That is not enough information!” Pressed Lup. You can’t go from ignoring someone for 10 fucking years to being best buds again. What happened?”

“We just talked, okay. It was a lot and I don’t want to get into it. I know this affected you all, and I am trying to get back to a more healthy place. Lucretia and I are just friends and it’s very strange and I would appreciate everyone trying to be normal so she doesn’t feel uncomfortable.”

“I’m very proud of you, Magnus,” Davenport said with a grin.

“Thanks Cap, I am sorry for the last however many years it’s been. I know I put you all in a terrible position, so thank for not murdering me.” The team ate in companionable silence. Barry hoped the peace would continue for a while. He’d been working on masks that would allow them to venture in to this world, even temporarily, not only in search of the light of creation but he really needed to get some distance from the rest of the crew. After breakfast he went to his lab to work some more, it would be great to have a first trial as soon as possible. He knew how to make a portable oxygen tank if he had access to unlimited resources, but this mission was supposed to be 2 months long, and mostly informative. He didn’t have the equipment he needed. He’d been asking Taako for help transmuting things but the more specific he got the harder it was the be exact.

He wasn’t getting anywhere. If he could just get away from the whole thing maybe he could clear his head and make some progress. There were so many possible answers, but none he knew how to accomplish. He threw a pencil at the wall. He had tried to alter a spell for underwater breathing, but without knowing what was in the air here, he couldn’t very well prepare for it. If only they didn’t need to breathe at all. A litch doesn’t need to breathe, but that would take a lot more effort and be irreversible. Barry spent the rest of the day in his lab, having locked the door and so no one bothered him. He ignored Lup’s call for dinner, preferring to stare at his table and hate himself.

Lup had made dinner, her favorite cheesy pasta with garlic bread. It was apparent that she had been bored today, there were 3 separate garnishes on everyone’s bowl. Not that anyone would complain, not only did it look delicious, but she had the worst frown on her face. Taako and Lucretia did not seem to notice, in fact they looked absolutely giddy until Magnus asked them what they had been up to all day. Luce clapped her hands and Taako opened the box he had carried to the dining room.

“We’ve made a game. A huge game, my babies. There are a lot of rules, but the point of the game is to get as trashed as possible and, AND to remind us all that we really do like each other.” He pulled out a large bottle of whiskey grinning from ear to ear.

“Where is Barold?” He finally looked around.

“He’s working. Let him be.” Lup responded, she was a little hurt that he wouldn’t even come out of his lab for her.

“Well, he’s going to be missing out. Okay, eat up, drink water, I’ll explain the rules in as soon as dinner is cleared!” Taako ate faster than anyone else, practically forcing Lucretia’s food down her throat. His excitement was contagious. Davenport climbed on the counters to help get dishes cleaned and put away, Magnus helped shift furniture around as needed, and pretty soon Lucretia declaimed everything done. The rules were confusing, you touching the floor or you had to chug your drink until you couldn’t anymore (to mimic drowning). The game started with the person who belched the loudest (they also started off by taking a drink), and then it was a game of tag, the person who was tagged (took a drink and) thought of a number 1-6, everyone else holds up a number of their choice, whoever got the same number had to say something nice about each other (and take a drink) and then the tagged person was it. No one could say anything negative about another person and pushing was completely legal.

Barry was still in his lab when he heard the most ridiculous noises coming from the common space. He tried ignoring it for a while but it never stopped. There wasn’t anything going on here anyway, so he left to investigate. Lucretia screamed his name and jumped off the table to give him a hug. The rest of the team hollered and cheered and Creesh chugged a very full glass of wine.

“Barry,” she said, dragging him to the table. “Take this drink, and drink it all right now. You’re standing in the middle of the ocean and you’re drowning!” He accepted the drink and looked around. Taako was balancing on the back of the couch, lup was standing across two different pillows, a foot on each, and Magnus was trying to stay balanced while sharing a pillow with her.

“Drink Barold! It’s my turn as the Skelton man and I’m coming for you, bitch!” Shouted Taako, pointing ominously at him. Absolutely confused, the other man drank from his goblet. It was full of straight whisky. “Creesh! What he fuck?” He asked between coughs.

“You need to catch up! Drink!” The game continued. There was screaming, and laughing, and so, so many fouls.

“Saying that Davenport sleeps with a doll isn’t mean!”

“Yes, it is! You’re making fun of him."

“Only if you think it’s a bad thing to sleep with a doll, like a baby!”

“HOW IS THAT NOT TEASING?”

“I didn’t originally say baby! Not originally! My initial statement stands. Davenport sleeps with a doll and that is not mean, you guys are mean for thinking he’s a baby for it!”

“Well, you sleep with your brother when you get scared so who’s the real baby?!”

“I told you that in confidence!”

“We are getting way off track…”

“E V E R Y B O D Y DRINK!” They did. And they felt terrible in the morning for it. But the rest of the year seemed a little bit more tolerable after that.


	9. Forty-four

The entire StarBlaster was covered in what appeared to children’s drawings. There were drawings of dragons, sharks, houses, horses, plants, so many plants. So, so, so many plants. Taako hated these drawings. They started appearing on the refrigerator first. It didn’t matter how many he threw in the trash, more showed up. They spread to the wall in the dining room, and then all over the shelves in the living room. Magnus found on behind the toilet one day. But as much as Taako hated the stupid scribbly drawings, Lucretia hated them more.

“Luce, would you hold still for just a second? I’ve almost got the shading on your upper lip down,” Merle said, the end of his pencil in his mouth. She rolled her eyes and tried not to shift as she read. It was becoming impossible to live with him recently. Davenport’s eyes twinkled.

“How’s your story coming along, pal?” He asked. Lucretia shot him a look and he struggled to look interested as Merle gushed about his latest idea.

“So, there is a little girl and she’s going on a walk in a flower patch, and she starts picking flowers, and the plants start screaming and dying and then there’s going to be something to do with the sun coming down to burn her, or something, I don’t really have that part down yet, but she learns her lesson about the importance of allowing plants to keep their genitals for reproductive purposes and not for your mothers kitchen table.” Magnus was in the dining room, but came to the door way to listen to this latest idea. The color slowly drained from his face as he listened. “It’s the 4th book in my plant friendly series,” the dwarf went on proudly.

“Amazing. I can’t wait to read it!” Davenport exclaimed, knowing the will never read these creepy books.

“You’re a really sick, you know that right, old man?” Asked Taako.

“It’s true though! Flowers should be left alone! It’s a weird thing we do! Mangling them like that!”

“No, I don’t give a flying fuck about that!” The elf held up a recent drawing of himself. “What the fuck is up with this? Why do I have a unibrow? And I don’t have those wrinkles and those bags do not exist under my eyes.”

“Taako, this is how I see you, it’s art. I’m expressing myself.”

“You are not allowed to look at me anymore. Look away.” Merle smiled. “No, I mean it you creep! Stop looking!” Taako screamed and left the room. Luce couldn’t take it anymore. She stood up and stretched.

“No! I’m not finished!” Cried Merle.

“Sorry, bud, I’m getting stiff and I need to pee. Just finish from memory. It’ll be good practice.” She glanced at the drawing of her face as she passed by. The “shading” was just a freaking mustache. For the past several months she had been trying to keep her annoyance at bay. Cultivating a creative talent in her friend was originally a task she felt was important. She would spend countless hours showing him techniques, or practices, but he didn’t seem to be able to tell the different from the works of Wilder the Great and the doodles he did himself, it was beginning to stress her out. There was only so many times you could try to teach someone to see things and he had passed that limit so very long ago.

As she passed the lab she paused and listened for a moment or two. It had been days since anyone had seen Barry, Taako, or Lup. In the past two years, they had been unable to recover the light of creation, without it, they could only speculate how it could be used to destroy the hunger. Lucretia was frustrated with them as they had been less than forthcoming about what they were working on and she felt that it was important to document their theories. It wasn’t that they were trying to be secretive, they were just in such a hurry to find an answer to any of their questions they didn’t want to go back over the things that didn’t work, or explain a thought process when they could just DO it. It made sense when you think about it, but it also completely negated Lucretia’s entire involvement.

It was completely silent on the other side of the door and she rolled her eyes before moving to her room. With nothing to document, Lucy had been working on magic. Since all the other magic users on the ship were proficient before joining the mission, there weren’t any beginner level books to start with so she had been independently comparing advanced tomes and comparing them so she could dumb down the spells. So far she successfully had produced light, and was working on mage hand. It was frustrating and time consuming but it had been a good distraction the last few years on and off. Sure, asking Taako for assistance would make this all a lot simpler, but he was busy, so she locked her door and tried again to pick up her shoe with an invisible hand.

In the lab, Taako pinched his nose as he received yet another set of numbers that didn’t match any of his previous research. Something was wrong, with either their equipment or their calculations or maybe even their brains. Whatever the light of creation was and where it came from must have completely different science because there was no way someone could run the same test over 50 times and have completely different results every damn time.

“I give up. This isn’t working. Let’s work on another theory. What happens if we eat this stupid rock?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” replied Lup from her spot on the floor meditating. “We are not eating the light of creation, it’s a rock, you would have to pass that later.”

“I wouldn’t eat it, get Magnus to eat it or something.”

“Taako, maybe you should go to sleep.”

“Oh, I don’t think so baby sister. I’m not leaving you alone with Barold. You might do something stupid confess your undying love and I really want to be around when that happens.”

“You know, on second thought. Maybe you should tell Barry your idea about eating the light. I think he’d really love it.” Her eyes fell on Merle’s drawing of Taako. “Oh my god, this is so perfect! It looks just like you!”

“Take it back!”

“No, it’s the best drawing that Merle’s ever done! We should frame this and hang it in the entrance hall!” Lup snatched the picture and skipped out of her brothers grasp.

“No, stop, give it here!” Taako chased her around the lab. After a few minutes he stopped and held his hands out to her. “Truce! I’ll let you keep it if you tell Barry.” Lup looked at him like he had 7 heads. “Come on, just tell him.”

“No.”

“Tell me what?” Came the other scientist voice from behind her. Taako’s face lit up like lonely ice ogre child on candlenights.

“Taako want’s to eat the light of creation and he wants me to persuade you to let him.”

“Barry, Barold, my dearest Bluejeans, you know that’s ridiculous. I would never suggest such a stupid, dumb, and honestly brilliant idea. What if it makes us have super powers.” During this speech the blond man had been inching closer to his friend. Putting his arm around his shoulders he gestured out. “Imagine, Barold, what if you could fly? Or see the future? Read someone’s thoughts? All you need to do is take a damn bite.”

“Taako, you’re a fucking moron.”

“Yes, I know,” he sat down on a stool and fiddled with a pen.

“Any luck with the, uh, whatever you’re calling that contraption?”

“The Arcane-radifier.”

“What does that even mean?” Lup tossed a paperclip at her brother.

“It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t have to, I just like those words together. And I’ve gotten nothing from it. It isn’t just all forms of magic it’s also none and there seems to be all forms of life, but it isn’t alive, there is no information, it’s just everything.”

“Well, that’s just fucking wonderful. For the love of god I just need us to land in a sophisticated planet. We need more information and Merle isn’t going to talk to John this year so we won’t have anything new to work with.” The twins both sat up at attention.

“What do you mean?”

“Thats ridiculous, he has to go.” They both spoke at once.

“He told Dav that he doesn’t think it’s going to help anything and he won’t talk about it.”

“I’ll kick his fucking ass.” Taako stood up but Barry held his hand out.

“Davenport doesn’t think we should pressure him.”

“When did Merle decide this?” Asked Lup.

“At the beginning of the year.”

“And Davenport didn’t think that this was information that the rest of us needed to be aware of? That’s not how a team works.”

“He said he hoped that Merle would change his mind after awhile, but that hasn’t happened yet.”

“Taako, kick our dear captain’s ass.”

“You got it, kiddo.”

“Hey, cool it you two, we still have plenty of time to make Merle face John. It’s not like rushing him makes our year shorter.”

“I’m still going to get Davenport. We need to talk. He needs to know that just because he’s best buddies with Merle, doesn’t mean that he can put the rest of this team at risk.” Lup spat. The two men watched her leave, the door slamming behind her. It was only a few minutes before the entire group was standing around the living room, grim faced, arms crossed, and talking over each other.

“Barry, this is why I didn’t tell everyone originally, why did you have to go blab to Lup?”

“Because this effects our research. We count on information from John to fuel our next experiments to help us get out of this fucking mess!”

“To be fair, if he had told me I would have also been mad so there’s that.” Interjected Magnus.

“This is my project! And I’m abandoning it. I’m allowed to give up on something that isn’t working, you guys do it all the time!”

“You’re not the only one who gets to decide if something works or not! We need to get information about the Hunger and you’re the only person who can get it, Merle.”

“That’s not my fault.”

“No, but it’s still your problem, it’s all of our problem.”

“I can’t do it anymore.”

“Well, I can’t live in this stupid space ship anymore but we don’t have a choice now do we old man? We need you to go back and talk to the hunger.”

“I’m not going back.”

“Merle, please."

“I can’t go back!”

“Why not!?”

“Because what if he’s right?” Silence filled the ship. No one moved for nearly a minute before Lucretia, who had been trying to slip a word in around everyone else, spoke up.

“What do you mean, Merle?”

“Have you ever sympathized with the villain? Because, I know he’s wrong, I KNOW he’s wrong. It’s always wrong to devour entire planes of existence just because you’re angry, but maybe… maybe if the entire system of existence is destined to fail everyone, maybe… that’s right.”

"I can’t fucking believe this."

“Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think he is, but if he keeps talking in my ear, I don’t know what will happen. He’s convinced so many people of his truth.”

“That’s not the truth, Merle-“

“HIS TRUTH, he believes this. This is his truth. What if he converts me too?”

“My dude, you have to be stronger than that.”

“Merle, you are stronger than that. I mean, you know what you believe so much right now. There is a reason that you were the one to learn parley and it’s because you can do this.”

“I don’t think so.” There were tears running down his cheeks and he slowly walked out of the room. The air was heavy with despair as the rest of the team scattered to their respective rooms to think. No one knew the right answer. No one knew if there was a right answer. Without an end goal in mind, what was their next step. How would they defeat the hunger without new intel? If Merle were to be converted, what would be in store for the rest of the team? For the rest of the world? For all of existence?

Magus was in his bed, back against the wall, staring at a piece of trash on the floor that hadn’t made it into the trash can when there was a soft knock at his door before it slowly opened and Taako slipped in. No words were spoken as he crossed the room and sat on the bed next to his friend and placed his head on Magnus’s shoulder. After a few moments the red head laid down on Taako’s and the boys sat in companionable silence for a long time.

Merle was horribly embarrassed. He felt out of place in his body, he couldn’t lay down, or pace, he tried crying, or yelling, he want to do something. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t get out of his head, everything everyone said was swimming around his brain, he felt like he was drowning in everyone else’s opinions and beliefs, he didn’t know who he was anymore. He wasn’t sure how long he sat on the end of bed clutching a pillow, it wasn't until someone placed a blanket around his shoulders that he realized he wasn't completely alone. Lup sat down on the bed with him and pulled him in for a hug. The water works started again, and soon both friend were holding each other and crying. That was how Lucretia found them not too long after that. The three friends had a small laugh before all piling in the large bed and drawing comfort from each other.

Davenport had gone out of the ship, he couldn’t believe just how much he had let everyone down. How had he missed Merle’s despair? How hadn’t he realized that the experiments were doing worse than ever? He misjudged the entire situation. He was the reason they were all here. Felt an overwhelming sense of guild for being the reason they were all here, after so many decades, stuck, running, fearing, fighting. What had he done? He finally started to get cold in the night air, as he passed Magnus’s room he saw Taako with him and crawled between them and started to apologize, only stopping when Magnus nearly smothered him.

Barry wandered around his lab aimlessly. He had no inspiration. The light of creation was beautiful and taunting him. It was so full of ideas, but his mind was blocked and it spoke a language he couldn’t understand. It was stupid, but he wanted to be with Lup. Her presence was calming and would make him feel better. She was like a warm campfire on a cold night. Before he could talk himself out of it he went straight to her room, but it was empty, and so was Taako’s, and Luce’s. Concerned he picked up his pace and barged into to the cuddle fest in Magnus’s room.

“Join us Bluejeans. You know you want to.”

“I was looking for Lup, but you three look comfortable.”

“Oh, I wish Lup were here.” Squeaked Davenport.

“I bet she’s with Lucy, she’s missing too.”

“Boy’s, I bet I know where they are.” Announced Magnus, starting to get up. “Let’s go.”

“But I’m so cozy here. Can’t you make them come here?” Whined the elf. The four boys made there were quietly to Merle’s room and soon everyone was tangled up in the bed. No one remembers who started it, but they all began to confess their fears, there were many tears, many hugs, but mostly there was an overwhelming outpouring of support and love. Reassuring each other that they were all in this together and no one was alone. There might be no answers to the big questions, but at least they had hands to hold int he face of the big black darkness. No matter what happened, there were seven of them, always.


	10. Forty-Eight

There was a restless energy with every landing. Relief was always present, the ever looming fear that whatever force was allowing them to come and go, ageless for decades, would one day stop and they would all perish, or worse, that some would continue on and others not. This was an unspoken dread that lurked in the minds of each of the travelers, too frightening to ever admit, as if the only thing keeping it from reality was the silence.

There was also hope, sometimes more than others. Hope that this world would be simple. The Light of Creation would be readily available and new wonders would open their eyes. Hope that this time, maybe this time, would be the last.

Excitement was there, in every bounce of feet. Every rush to the windows to see the new world. No one else would be able to ever experience half as much as they had done in just the last few years, perhaps they would never be believed but there was something so profound in seeing a new and fantastic world as they would.

Regret was a common weight upon everyone’s hearts, most commonly when their year was unsuccessful. When lives were lost. When there was more that they could have done. And even worse, when there wasn’t anything to do but watch and ache.

Davenport felt all of these with increasing intensity, his small frame would often times shake with the overwhelming emotions. The team was well into their 10th month on this world. It was such a peaceful place there were tiny pixie-like creatures here, they were still extremely wary of the 7 giants that landed on their homeland. One would need to be completely still for a long time before the creatures felt safe enough to move, and event then they gave a wide berth. The closest anyone had gotten to one was when Davenport fell asleep in a field and was woken to several pixies screaming around his face. They must have thought that he had died, Taako thought that perhaps being so small, they must only sleep for short about of times.

Fisher was timid, he never left the ship without Magnus or Lucretia. The team was equally as fascinated with their new jellyfish friend as they were with the Light of Creation. Magus was overly protective of Fisher and kept Barry from experimenting too much. It was a warm day and the team was scattered around the ship and the nearby woods. Magnus was sitting on the couch with Fisher cuddled up in his lap, carelessly running his fingers through the tendrils like hair. Across from him lounged Davenport in an arm chair that was much too big for him, he watched the pixies out of the window. After sighing heavily several times, Magnus finally rolled his eyes and asked.

“Dav, what’s the matter with you?”

“Oh, nothing.” Was his response, and it was quickly followed with another heavy sigh.

“Liar.”

“What happens to them? When we do find the light, I know what happens when we don’t. Are we really doing anything?”

“I don’t know.” They sat in silence together for a while.

“You know, they say gnomes are defended from creatures like these?”

“I heard that in school. But that took a long time, like a really long time right?”

“Well yeah, I mean it’s evolution not having grandkids who look different from you. But it’s still daunting you know. Think about what these pixies could become if they had access to the Light of Creations without the threat of the Hunger? Would they surpass our own world with the absence of racial discrimination? If everyone was the same what would that have done for my ancestors who were looked down on for so long. I know it seems trivial when compared with the Orc folks and their struggles for recognition. But growing up gnomish has its own set of struggles.”

“I guess I’d never really thought about it, I mean, no one every talks bad about gnomes, but there were no gnomes in the armed forces during my time there. Not a single one, and it isn’t like you are less capable than me. You’re just different.”

“Different scares people, Maggy.”

“It shouldn’t. Maybe one day we can keep that from happening in a new world.”

“I hope so. I really do.” The boys fell quiet for a bit until Barry or Taako came and disrupted their little moment. Weeks later when their cycle started over and they found themselves in a new world, Magnus moved from his starting position to stand next to Davenport. Together, silent, they let a wave of new but all too familiar emotions flood over them, ready for a new year.


End file.
